brain farts
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thoughts, lies, wishful thinkings, unimaginative imaginations, facts, fictions, and anything and everything in between. these are my brain farts. pfffftt.

I’ve just finished reading an article about the release of the new iPhone 4S, and how its target market and investors were quite disappointed about not meeting their futuristic expectations.

I guess at one point they thought the new iPhone would give them the chance to teleport, clone them, or something along those lines. 

I, being a proud owner of a super high tech mobile phone set to rule the world - the Nokia C3, don’t actually give a rat’s ass about whether the next best gadget would have the power to give human special powers. Unless maybe if it could cure cancer, or melt body fat in just one sitting - while eating chips. That would be pure awesomeness don’t you think? 

But since the new iPhone 4S isn’t anywhere near to doing such things, I say to hell with it? To me it’s just another fancy phone that dictates your place in society and a gateway to invasion of privacy. A gadget that makes life less interesting. 

Funny how people find such developments in technology thrilling. 

Sure it makes day to day life more convenient. It keeps the world connected. It allows you to log on to facebook any damn time you want, stalk your douchebag of a crush, and all that crap. But to me, it just robs its user of magical moments.

Remember those days when you’d wait for hours on end for that special call and jump to your feet every time you hear the phone ring? Or anxiously check your mail box for that much awaited letter and bug the mailman about it every single day he drops by?

Or days when movies only existed in theaters and VCRs?

Remember how you try to get up so early in the morning just to catch a glimpse of your crush? Or wait for your yearbooks to be released just to get a photograph of him? 

Remember the feeling of finally hearing the voice you’ve been waiting for all day at the other end of that telephone line? Or that mini heart attack you get after receiving that special letter? Or that anxiousness to watch the best movie you’ve ever seen, and that feeling of excitement while popping that huge black tape into the player? Remember how your nerves jolt when you make eye contact with your crush after days of real, live, stalking?

I’m sure kids these days won’t know squat about what the hell I’m talking about. And people my age are bound to forget them after their mid-life crises. But for the purpose of remembering, let me just say, those were real good old days.

Life sure wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t hard either. It was, in all sense of the word, exciting.

These days, almost everything seems to be handed on a virtual silver platter. You click and go. You need something, you click and go. You forget something, you click and go. You lose something, you click and go. Click. And go. Until your life revolves around this clickable thing in your hands and makes much less sense. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am a fan of technology. I mean, a handheld device that, at your slightest touch, can connect you halfway around the world in mere seconds is nothing short of amazing. These things were alien-like the year I was born. How lucky am I to be a witness of its evolution?

I guess, what I’m trying to say, is to take things slow. To live in the moment. The next best thing doesn’t exist. The world is a constant evolution of next-best-things that we tend to forget we’re actually at the center of it all. The best things in life are here. NOW.

Every day that technology evolves is another pound of body fat that we gain. The more it does, the less we do, and the less we work for the things we want in life.

So, as the world screams their disappointments at the latest iPhone 4S, here I sit, trying to get a grip of the moment.  The next best thing’s about to arrive, and the next, and the next, and the next. Until they rule over the world and take control of our lives.

The epic movie, Kung Fu Panda, once depicted: The past is history, the future a mystery. But today’s a gift - that’s why it’s called present.

Marvel a little, why don’t you? Breathe.. and live. 

Depression.

There are two ways to deal with this cruel feeling. One of which is by taking the obvious route: locking yourself up in your room, bathing’s become an occasional feat, eating has become a symbolism of happiness (which you aren’t), and intoxicating yourslef with your choice of narcotic, alcohol, or medicine.

If, one day, you’ve had enough of your suffering, you burst into a raging lunatic, lose control of yourself, scream at the the top of your lungs either for help or attention. If none comes, you try to regain control of your life by ending it. 

This is the Supernova kind. Like a star, its end doesn’t come unexpected, but it’s always spectacular. Almost like a cycle, one would know how it would turn out, and without help, the tragic ending’s almost always inevitable.

Then there’s the other kind. The imploding kind. You go about your day, just like all the other days that went by, act normal, nod along in agreement in a conversation, shake your head to disagree, smile in timely moments, and act nonchalant about the hole inside your heart that’s been eating up inside you. 

You try to convince yourslef that sadness is an occasional feeling, an emotion that sprouts up in the evening to remind you of your humanity and the limitiations of being one. You try to help youself up, call unto a higher being and smoke your unlimited questions that go unanswered away. You wait ‘til your brain gives up and try to regain consciousness in the morning to do the same old thing. Only this time, with an even bigger hole in your heart, and an even bigger act of nonchalance as your gauze. 

There isn’ta breaking for thisk kind. there isn’t any parts where you scream your loungs out. you only swallow a bitter pill day after day then gain and lose hope at the same time. You walk like a zombie. And before you know it, that hole insdide your heart has grown, eating up your mind and your soul too. Then you realize, you’ve imploded. And it’s already too late.

This is the white dwarf kind. Lik a star, your heart, mind, and soul have become too heavy, too dense to function. And you lay stationary - whether dead or alive, it doesn’t matter, there isn’t any difference. In time, that last ounce of hope will dsappear and you become a black dwarf - insignificant, cold, and forgotten.

And even in your last breath, you ask again for the hundredth time the questions that have led you to this blackhole: howcome? how long?

A question you will never know the answer to.

I’ve been in a long term relationship with this great guy for, like, ever. We’ve been together since I was 14, and though we’ve broken up twice before - going our separate ways for 2 years - we managed to get back together and live happily.

Ever after? Not yet. And while some girls at this point would at least want to get a promise from their man that a happy future lies ahead, I on the other hand, try to run the other direction. 

Please don’t think that I’m in a bad relationship, causing me to fear marriage. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. I have the best boyfriend a girl could ever hope for, and though it can be a challenge to be apart (I’m in Singapore while he’s staying in the Philippines) I am able to sleep sound at night knowing my man’s just as faithful as he was since we got together. 

So what’s wrong you ask? Nothing. I just want to live my life first, before I live it for another. And here are the top 10 reasons why I don’t want to get married - yet: 

  • I want to live alone in a small, cozy apartment and not feel guilty about leaving it messy. 
  • I want to shop splurge - for myself. 
  • I don’t have a car of my own.
  • I want to experience the ups and downs of life without worries and fears.
  • I want to be in control of my social life. 
  • I don’t have a savings account.
  • I don’t have insurance.
  • I am not the best version of myself yet. 
  • I’m only 24 and I want to be carefree. 
  • I don’t want to have regrets.

My relationship’s going on 10 years this November. I don’t plan on getting married until at least I’m 30. That’s 6 years to go.

I hope my boyfriend would have the patience to wait until that day. 

In the meantime, I gotta get cracking so I could cross some points off that list. Who knows? I might take out a couple years off my ‘marriage deadline’ too and realize I have got to say ‘I DO’ before someone else does! 

Love you Baban! ♥

Here it goes again;
The blackhole in my heart works its way towards my soul
Sucking the life out of me and all

Here it goes again;
And I thought I was over all this trouble
Silver lining on the horizon, working my way towards the beautiful

Here it is again;
That damn brick wall
Can’t move on, can’t breathe, can’t seem to face my downfall

Here you go again;
Heartbroken as I am I can’t seem to feel all that terrible
Merely feeling you and I seem to gain back all 

Here I go again
Armed, ready, unbreakable

Here I go again
See you at the end of this tunnel 

A testimonial to one of the greatest person to ever walk this earth. 

10. Food trip, road trip, and AA sessions. No matter how broke we were, we would always find ways to bond with each other. May it be buying fishballs, which Rachel loved, or having two for the road sessions just to get a little bit of that alcohol kick, or drive to nowhereland to let time pass by, Weng was always on the go. And she did every bit of it in cheerful and happy spirits.

9. The gift-giver. Weng would always give us gifts for no reason at all. She gave me a dream catcher once because she knew I was into those stuff. A white shirt to use for an upcoming interview. And a thong. You know.. to wear. :)

8. Driver and sweet lover. Even after a long and tiring get together that started at 5PM and ended by 1AM, Weng volunteered to pick my mother up from the airport at 4AM. Though she, my cousin Rey (a.k.a. Shitty), and I were still woozy from the session, she drove us home safely, like she wasn’t tired at all.

7. Great sister. As I mentioned, though Weng and I aren’t related by blood, I consider her as part of our family. We even have this family picture with her, and my cousin Tin even tagged her in the album “cousins” ‘cause that’s how close we really are to her.

6. Official Photographer. During birthday celebrations, despedida parties, or simple get-togethers, Weng would always have her DSLR in tow and start clicking away. We would depend on her for photos, and she would make sure she got a good picture of us. 

5. Chill. Weng is the type of person that was always laid back, and I loved that about her. She may be driving 90 km per hour, be irritated by someone or something, but she was always cool. She didn’t panic during hectic times, nor did she show a bad temper when she got angry, she was just relaxed. But be careful not to drive her to the edge, or you will get a verbal assault that will stir you up inside.

4. The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flammel. I am very proud to say that I was able to inspire Weng to read her very first novel. The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flammel is a six-part series. I have four books from this collection, all of which are in Weng’s possession until this day, as I made her their “keeper” before I left for Singapore. I don’t care if I get them back. She’s not yet done reading the books, so I’m gonna let her finish them first.   

3. Driver and sweet lover - Part 2. I had this interview for Qatar Airways before. As usual, Weng and Shitty were my companions. Cheng and Rhea were with us too on this day as they had to leave for Jeddah that afternoon. The interview was scheduled at 9.30AM and by 8.30, we were still in Cavite City - 2 hours away from the location. Once we left, Weng stepped on the gas, took over killer jeepneys, and sped through busy intersections like a race car driver. I arrived by 9.35. Though I was 5 minutes late, I think we made exceptional time, thanks to Weng’s excellent driving skills. After the interview, Weng and Shitty were waiting for me - to help me celebrate the bad news. :)

2. Awesome friend. - By now it would be clear what kind of a friend Weng is, considering the outpour of prayers and testimonials on her Facebook wall. She is all that and more. As mentioned by Tita Chay, Weng is a perfect daughter, a good sister, and a best friend to all. Not to mention she was also a loving aunt to her 1 year old nephew, Chuychuy, whom she talked ever so fondly about. She was a very good human being. One of the best, I dare say.

1. Her personality in general. The fondest memory I have of Weng is just Weng herself. The way she smiled with that dimple on her face, the way she greeted me and her friends and family - almost always with great delight, as if we were meeting for the first time - the kind of music she listened to, her comments on my Facebook wall, the moments we shared, everything. 

These memories won’t be easy to forget, and they will be missed oh so dearly. And they are just a fraction of the impact of Weng’s presence in our lives. Though it breaks my heart to even embrace the thought of her non-existence in this world, it also gives me comfort to have known her, and to have had a friend/sister like her. I will miss her forever. And ever. 

Weng said before, she didn’t want people to be sad when she passes away. She didn’t want anyone to wear black, and she didn’t want corny, sappy music. That wish will be granted. And as for her memories, they will live on - just like how her spirit lives on in our hearts.  

This isn’t goodbye, Meng. This is hello. Hello to the new world that you are now facing, and that we all should be facing soon enough. 

Who knows? The world just might end by 2012. Only 9 months more to go and we might see each other again. And if not, well, time passes by fast right? Just make sure to hold up a placard when I get there. Heaven might be a big place, and I’m really bad at directions. I can’t wait to see your beaming smile again.

So, “HELLO!”    

  

               Jewel Francisco 

    January 1, 1985 - Forever and Ever and Ever 

after an almost 3-month long hiatus from Tumblr, I’ve come back with better resistance to peer pressure, and with a goal. 

as I have continually said before, I felt like my old blog was just there so that people would ‘like’ me. never mind that it’s virtual and there’s no real interaction, i just wanted to be known. i guess it would make me feel better in some virtual way. 

but now, I’ve created this new blog so I can write from the heart again. share my thoughts - be it crazy, senseless, or just downright stupid - and not worry whether or not my followers would like it and reblog it for other bloggers to see.

this time, i will post any type of content here to somewhat document bits and pieces of my life, my mind, my soul.

these are my brain farts. they won’t be as brainy as the next nerdy blog, nor will it be such non-sense as the weekday editions of the showbiz sections of Philippine tabloids. they’re just farts from my brain that I cared enough to share, whether you readers like it or not.

so here it goes.. 

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

i was 3 years old, and i had to fill in for my cousin as a flower girl because she decided to throw a tantrum.